I have been doing so well I haven't taken my meds for a minute..... last night showed that it was time to start taking them again. My son has a tv in his room because he is scared of the dark. Well at some point he took it upon himself to shove a DVD in it backwards and it ruined the tv. Then I found my lion king DVD which is a very important thing of mine it grants room on the floor. I was furious and I yelled some mean things to Jason and told him to go away. I immediately felt awful after. I don't know why I just can't control myself like a normal person. So Jason was downstairs and I texted him that I was sorry. That helpless version of me mad her ridiculous appearance and I told him he would be better off without me and I had no idea why he stays with me. Whine whine whine. His usual response is to turn it around into a guilt trip over him...... So even though I was the one crying I was waiting for him to come upstairs and twist it all around...... but he didn't! As I'm pettily crying on the bed he comes in sits down next to me, wraps his arms around me and says everyone has their bad days. Then he says something that he hasn't said to me since we were writing letters in basic training. And if was really the basis of our relationship. He says it's still the same moon. I was just blown away by the emotional intelligence he was able to have in the moment. It's small steps like that give me little glimmers of hope that it's still possible to love him again and for this marriage to work. Hopefully it wasn't a one time show because it was amazing to see him like that.
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