A Revelation?

After the ER last night into early this morning I collapsed in bed tired and still in pain. I really need to adjust my life or this could turn into blood clots in my lungs which is plenty more serious. Jason had taken the kids downstairs when they woke up so I could sleep. I was impressed. I could tell he seemed off though but I didn't ask because he needs to learn to come to me with his feelings. As he was leaving he noticed for the first time that I wasn't wearing my wedding rings. I told him they were in the bathroom and I went back to sleep not wanting to get into it right then. He came upstairs around 0930 crawled into bed, wrapped his arms around me and broke down crying. It was the first time in a while that the connection was real. I asked him what's wrong he said he had an awful dream of me making him leave and him having to say goodbye to the kids. He said he was so ultimately sorry for all the hurt he had caused realized and unrealized. He said that he just couldn't go through having to say goodbye to more kids and another divorce. He said how much he loved me. All through tears. Maybe this is in the right direction. He doesn't open up to me like that. I wanted to feel bad for him but really it could have been his reality. He started to apologize for crying like he was but we are supposed to be each other's ultimate confidant. I told him don't be sorry we are supposed to communicate our feelings with each other and quit keeping it all bottled inside. In spite of the fact he was so low the whole situation was relieving. I did make a mistake in my honesty. He asked me why my rings were in the bathroom. I told him because they kept falling off. I should have told him the real reason but I didn't want to shut him back down after he finally opened up. I felt enough hope today that I put my wedding rings back on for now and hopefully he can continue to grow himself emotionally enough to the point where we can rebuild a connection that we haven't had in a while. We will see what he decides with future actions. For now, I need to extremely reduce my stress levels. It's too much and I am physically falling apart. I'm scared to build blocks back up because I got so good at putting walls in my way that now that my walls are down to confront my issues if I put them back up I'm scared I might have to start all over again. Something's gotta give in the end and it can't be my physical health. I have had enough trips to the hospital for this. Until we talk again!